What's Left Of Me
by His Beautiful Melody
Summary: Watched my life pass me by in the rear view mirror. Pictures frozen in time are becoming clearer. LagunaSquall
1. Burning For You

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of the Final Fantasy franchise and do not make any profit from this work of fiction.

**Author's Notes:** Why hullo! You seem to have stumbled upon this little incest fic. Good for you, because the fun has only just begun!

This is a fic that my friend and I are collaborating on. Mainly, she and I came up with guidelines, and I persued a timeline and am fleshing everything out.

Be prepared: this will be a lengthy story.

Burning For You - Shiny Toy Guns (Originally Blue Oyster Cult) _.com/lyrics/blue_oyster_cult/burnin_for__

Reviews are welcome. Flames will be eaten.

P.S. Squall's party have been given 'code names', just because it tickles my fancy.

A Key:  
>Lion - Squall<br>Bookworm - Quistis  
>Tattoo - Zell<br>Butterfly - Selphie  
>Wings - Rinoa<br>Cowboy - Irvine

ENJOY!

**III**

_Squall was hot. He could feel his limbs burning with every contraction and expansion of rippling heat that coursed through him. _

_But even in the fire, the only light that shined was through the shimmery red curtains that encased the window seat of one of the Deling City Hotel rooms. _

_Trying to get away from the blaze, Squall Leonhart sprang forward only to be forced back immediately. A groan escaped his parted, and somehow moist lips as there became a weight holding his shoulders in place. _

_He attempted a different tactic and threw his legs in a direction that he was pretty sure was up, failing when they wound around a pair of muscular hips. _

_Those hips pressed down into him, and Squall gasped for oxygen as they dug into his fully hardened erection. _

"So hot ..."

_Lips descended down on his own again, a tongue asking, no, demanding entrance to his warm mouth. It tasted him, practically taking his soul with it when it moved on to lap at his neck and collarbone. _

_"What's wrong?" his dream lover asked him softly. _

_Squall shook his head slightly, his eyes conveying every word he needed to say as he looked upon the moonlit wonder on top of him. _

"I need you ..."

_Long raven locks swept across his face. Squall indulged himself in the scent of holly that was his lover. For a moment there was a shared expression of need in his lover's jade-colored eyes, and then a flash of what Squall could only assume to be sympathy before he was penetrated._

_Squall's eyes shot out with the intense pain. He instantly felt the blood hasten along the crevasse of his left cheek. He put the burn aside, instead letting the consuming flame of pleasure soar deep into the pit of his groin when his dream man moved quickly in and out of his entrance. _

"NNNN-AHHHHH!" _he moaned through clenched teeth, gripping the silk white sheet of his beloved's bed with equally stark knuckles. Squall met with each of the thrusts, his lips drying with every heated pant that filled the room._

_"You like being fucked hard, don't you Squall?" His illusion grunted and pulled at the mess of sweat-slicked brown hair. _

_Squall bucked wildly at this, the tightness of his groin much too agonizing from the length of man that was inside of him. His reply was more of a hiss, his vocabulary not a part of him. He yelped when his own cock had been taken into the hands of this man and stroked in time with each of his thrusts, tossing his head to the side._

_"I want you to look me in the eye as you come" the illusion commanded his head back to the center and held his eyes ice blue eyes with his own captivating orbs. _

_Squall was losing control. The feeling of being dually-pleasured was unbearable. _

_"Come, Squall. Say my name."_

_Squall whispered_. "...a"

_His lover looked at him with a slight disapproval. "What was that, Squall?" _

"...una...!" _Squall tried again_.

_Mr. Illusion swooped his head down, biting the junction between his neck and shoulder. _

"LAGUNA!"_ Squall's spine went rigid as he came, his seed spilling with a rush of adrenaline between them. _

_Laguna smiled as he came, rose petal lips parted just enough to moan the other man's name._

_"Squall!"_

**III**

**3:00 - March 13th**

"SQUALL!"

Squall Leonhart awoke with a projectile jolt, coming to a head on collision with the figure hovering over him. As if he didn't have enough problems, mainly the aching organ between his legs, he was now going to have a migraine.

He groaned loudly, causing a finger to be pressed to his lips with an equally loud "SHHH!"

"You plan on waking up everyone else, Lion?" The voice was masculine with a twinge of a southern drawl.

"Cowboy?" Squall asked, his head still foggy from the dream.

"Yeah, and be lucky that it's me and not someone else!" Irvine hissed. "Another dream?"

Squall brought his hands to his face and nodded. He didn't want Irvine Kinneas to see him blushing. He'd never live it down.

It started off as simply dreaming once in a while of his raven-haired wonder living his life, seeing the people he saw, hearing the things he heard and so on. But as they got closer to Esthar, and their next mission, the dreams became more frequent, and much, much more intimate. Squall hadn't a clue as to when he became infatuated with Laguna Loire, or what even really attracted him.

Irvine sighed. "Maybe you're sick? You felt like you were running a fever." Squall didn't dare tell him that it was from the rough sex that he just subconsciously had.

He wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, finally speaking. "What time is it?"

"AM. Our mission is going to start soon. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

Squall shuddered. This wasn't the first time the cowboy had awoken him from his erotic fantasies with Laguna. Hopefully, it would be the last.

"Yes." Squall spat. "And you better not tell anyone else!"

Irvine shrugged. "Your secrets safe with me, partner." He finally gave Squall some breathing room, sitting back on the dead ground of the Great Salt Lake and pulling his legs up to his chest. "But if you don't start controlling yourself, you'll end up telling everyone yourself."

"..." Squall ran a hand through his dampened locks. Another beautifully sleepless night, another painful erection gone to waste. Sighing, he stood from his bed roll, his numerous belts clinking more than loudly in the first dregs of morning.

"I need some air." He whispered to Irvine when he stood with him, always watching out for his commander. 'And to get rid of this problem'. He pushed the tattered tent flap to the side, the cool air of the Great Salt Lake sending a numbing chill down his spine. He stood straight, relieving himself of all the cricks in his stiff joints before he took his first steps through the crunching death.

What used to be a beautiful getaway was now a barren wasteland, thanks to the Estharin Empire and it's science experiments. There was supposedly know life, none that the party had seen anyway, yet they had been commissioned here to dispose of a undead threat to the grand city. He listened carefully to the lack of life around him, and Squall had to admit, if only to himself, that death was just to empty and alone to his liking.

"_There_..."

Far enough away from camp, under the bones of the decaying beasts, Squall's erection was still very much alive. He hid in the shadows of the skeleton, freeing his painful hard-on and hissing as it was caressed with the cool morning bite.

His head fell back a bit, leaning against the ribs of the century old fiend and brushed a hand over a pert nipple. His cock twitched in curiosity, as if wondering where his hand was going to go next.

Sighing, Squall closed his eyes and opened them again, this time meeting with the lusting jade spectacles of his infatuation. Shivers that had nothing to do with the early chill raked his body when he felt a breath of air graze his ear.

"_You want me to touch you? Hmmm_...?"

Squall nodded, parting his lips as his hand grabbed his organ and stroked it hard.

"Touch me . . ."

His hand squeezed a slight bit tighter, keeping a hard but mellow pace. He was burning again, every stroke of his hand igniting his groin more and more.

A tongue curled around one of his nipples, and he moaned, jerking himself only a little faster.

"_I want to watch you, Squall. I want to watch the way your eyes glint when your about to come, and how your hips roll with every touch_..."

Squall's hips shifted then. He wanted to touch, to feel Laguna in his hand. He wanted to be stroking him, softly, taking care to not hurt him.

"_Squall_ . . ." Laguna whispered. His voice became broken and hazy. "_aaAAAAHHHHhhh_!"

He looked into Laguna's eyes, granting his wish as he came. "L-Lagunaaa!"

Panting, they looked at each other, the lust dying, and something else taking over them. Lips descended on his own, and Squall closed his eyes, losing himself in this wonderful man.

When he opened them, Laguna was gone, leaving him with nothing but the rising sun of dawn, and a hand covered in his own semen.

Squall felt empty. He looked around the deserted marsh as he tucked himself away, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.

He felt . . . dead.

Not too far away from the right of him he heard the crunch of repose. He jumped, thinking someone had been watching him. Slowly, he crept out of his retreat.

He had expected to find someone, like the ever bouncy Butterfly, or the nosy Bookworm. As Squall turned the corner he had been terribly mistaken.

"_Oh. Shit_."

There it stood, a massive ten feet tall at least, looming over him with hunger in it's eyes. Their mission was about to have him for breakfast.

"_I have to move_!"

Squall found his legs frozen in place, the undead Abadon sizing him up, as if analyzing where to start first and licking it's rotted lips.

"_RUN_!"

Squall bounded out of range just as the Abadon's ancient teeth clamped together in an attempt to satisfy its hunger. He didn't look back as he ran in the direction of his squad's camp site. The thought hit him that he wasn't going to have enough time to warn them. He hoped everyone was at least awake, even better, already out on the mission without him.

He could feel the deceased ground shake from underneath him as the Abadon hunted him. Squall mentally chuckled at the irony of his charge trying to catch him for his next meal.

Hopping over a rather large rock effortlessly Squall could see the peaks of two tents, along with five faces, armed, battle ready, and Cowboy holding his Lionheart. He made a mental note to curse him later for going through his belongings.

"Squall!" Irvine made to rush forward.

"Stop!" Squall commanded. "Throw me the gunblade!"

With all of his might, the cowboy hoisted the Lionheart in mid-air. The blade glistened in the rays of morning, landing only feet from its owner point down. Squall slid as he grabbed his weapon of choice and clashed it against the Abadon's decayed face.

"Squall!" He heard Tattoo behind him, leaping over his head to land on the grave monster's back. He chanted a fire spell only to be thrown off from the demon in a roar of pain.

It distracted the beast long enough, however, for Squall to plunge his gunblade through the it's thick, sickly head.

Everyone covered their ears as the fiend howled in a ghostly fashion, sending a chill through their spines. The Abadon tossed it's head, and Squall lost hold of his gunblade, flying backwards at high speed. He landed with a sickly crack, pain instantly running through the upper half of his body.

He saw Irvine bursting towards him, carrying an injured Zell on his back, followed by the rest of his squad.

He blinked once, than twice. His vision turning to white noise.

Before he lost consciousness, he saw a flash of jade green sparkles.


	2. I'm With You

**Author's Notes**: WOOSH! Second chapter. I had quite a hard time writing this for a few reasons.

1) It is much, much harder for me to write Laguna as an authoritive figure than I would have though possible.  
>2) If you haven't ever heard of the "Squall's dead" theory, please do not indulge yourself with it. It absolutly ruined my mood, and I was distraught for hours.<p>

I apologize now if it seems like I rushed through the chapter. I did, and I'm probrbly going to suffer from it. D: I took a couple of turns here that I wasn't suppose to take, but it just seemed to flow better for me to do it this way, regardless of all the action/drama that happens towards the end of the chapter. Hopefully I can get myself on the right track starting with chapter 3.

Avril Lavigne - I'm With You .

As usually, reviews are welcome. Flames will be mummified and sent out to curse you for the rest of your life.

ENJOY!

**III**

_Laguna Loire wasn't normally one for playing games, though he did like to take his time and enjoy life. _

_In the Deling City Hotel room, with nothing but the combination of city lights and the glow of the full moon to illuminate the luxurious scenery, however, all he wanted was to blow his mind. _

_Young and battle-worn was the teen beneath him, writhing at every flutter of eyelashes and ghosts of hands. Innocent and lusting ice blues glimmered in the lunar night light, and Laguna very much wanted to rip that innocence away._

_The boy wanted to dominate, and yes, Laguna was a bit of a pushover, but nothing was going to stop him from this. When he tried to lunge forward Laguna's hands were there to steady them where he wanted them. He tried again, but his trial was faulty, and only wound up bringing their nude bodies closer. Their erections clashed and Laguna's delusion panted feverishly. _

_"So hot ..." _

_Laguna took his lips as his own, claiming and tasting every bit that his inviting mouth had to offer him. He had to have more! His mouth moved from the boy's now kiss-swollen lips and descended along his collarbone and neckline._

"What's wrong?"_ he asked when his eyes swept closed_.

_When his dream teen opened his eyes it again it spoke volumes. _

_"I need you ..."_

_It was all Laguna needed to take every trace of chastity from him. He lined himself up with his lover's hole and flashed him a pang of sympathy before slamming into his entrance until the hilt of his erection rubbed against his cheeks. He felt the blood, and could feel his fantasy's walls clench and unclench around his cock, the latter being much more pleasant to consume himself with. _

_His illusion was completely overwhelmed, his knuckles as white as the hotel sheets and face blushing something fierce._

_The sight was breathtaking. _

"You like being fucked hard, don't you, Squall?"_ Laguna slid his hand through the young man's messy brown mane, more than satisfied to feel the roots coated with a sheen sweat when he pulled. _

_The boy arched his back rapidly. Laguna responded with faster and more deliberate thrusts, and added a hand to his submissive's cock, pumping him as fast as he was fucking him, causing the dream to mewl._

_His boy was going to come when he wanted him to. _

"I want you to look me in the eyes as you come."_ he commanded his fabrication and locked eyes with him, pounding, pumping, and falling into oblivion. _

"Come, Squall. Say my name."

_It was barely audible. "...a...!"_

_Laguna smirked sadly. Oh what this dream lover was doing to him!_

"What was that, Squall?"_ he practically cooed in the other's ear. _

_"...una...!" Squall tried again._

_It was too much too tight in such a hot vicinity. Laguna was going to lose his very soul to this boy. He bit down on the junction between his neck and shoulder, moaning as he came in his beloved._

_He felt nails dig into the sides of his spine as he lover came. "LAGUNA!" He could feel his muscles quiver from orgasm._

"Squall!"

**III**

Laguna Loire awoke to the crash of thunder, followed by the illuminating flashes of lightning. He ran a hand listlessly through his long black learning of the beads of sweat that had gathered at the seem of his roots.

"Another dream ..." He sighed to himself dejectedly. He sat up, sliding his legs off the side of his oversized bed. "What does it mean?"

The President stood, quickly realizing the immediate problem. He was still very aroused, and very much looking for an excuse to think of his teen beauty.

He wobbled a bit uneasily to his desk, donned with a still booted laptop from last nights paperwork and sat on his cherry red leather bound swivel chair. He let his eyes slip shut and let his imagination recreate the image of Squall lying as naked as the day he was born with his legs spread temptingly on his bed. He honed in on his crystal blue eyes and licked his lips. He allowed a hand to dig slightly into his neck, the other caressing the skin that was still covered by a plain white t-shirt.

He moaned silently, envisioning Squall taking his own erection into one of his hands and stroking himself, the other tweaking lovingly at one of his pert nipples.

"You want me to touch you? Hmmm...?" Laguna asked him. He nodded, and Laguna wrapped his hand around his length, stroking it hard.

_"Touch me . . ." _

Laguna wrapped his hand tighter around the boy's cock. He leaned over the boy and kissed up his stomach, his tongue coming to play over a nipple making the brunet moan.

"I want to watch you Squall," Laguna admitted into his hoop-clad earlobe, "I want to watch the way your eyes glint when you're about to come, and how your hips roll with every touch."

Squall's hips thrust into Laguna's hand, erotically. His hands, however, found their way to Laguna's own hardness, pumping him with the utmost of care.

It was too much! Laguna could nearly feel the love and pure innocence in every caress to his cock.

"Squall . . ." his voice became disjointed and torn. "aaAAAAHHHHhhh!" He came in his love's hand, just as Squall did the same.

They were still looking in one another's eyes when they came, and stayed that way for a moment or two, simply living in the reverie. Squall's lips were dry from panting, and oh so very inviting. Laguna claimed them, sucking as much of him in and letting the taste of evergreen mint and vanilla linger.

He blinked. Squall had vanished. Instead, he was looking at his reflection through the LCD computer screen, and his seed was dripping slowly down his softening cock.

Laguna was alone. His room was only as bright was the flicker of Esthar lightning.

He himself, however, felt much, much darker on the inside. He tucked himself away, as he did so, he caught sight of a photo of his one and only love.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Raine." He apologized to the ever modest woman, smiling sadly. She stared back at him, unmoving, with a smile that lit up her features. "You never did like my 'manly habits.'" Laguna chuckled. He was sure the day was breaking by now, 5 A.M., though the overcast sky loomed over the city. Laguna stood again and stretched, his shirt riding up with his movements.

His thoughts wandered to his most recent fantasy of Squall. Before, it had just been like something was prying into his brain, forcing him to relive pieces of his past, some pieces he would very much rather forget. Occasionally he would have flashes of a strong-willed brunet on a journey to find the truth with baby blue eyes, then gradually, he began the spiral of which he was now embedded in. Every night it was more vivid, solid, and out of this world.

His reverie was broken with a sharp set of knocks at the door.

Laguna cleared his throat, "Yes?"

"Laguna! We've an emergency!" a soft masculine voice called through the thick cherry wood door.

The president of Esthar flew to the door, nearly throwing it off it's hinges when he opened it to confront the voice on the other side.

Kiros Seagill stood on the other side, his dark brown eyes panicked but serious. "The mercenary team we hired from Balamb Garden have found their way here. The squad leader and one of their other party members are injured pretty badly."

A sinking feeling set in Laguna's gut. If he had been sated and disoriented before, he was most defiantly awake now. "Where are they?" his voice much steadier than the feelings within him.

"Get dressed and we'll meet with them." Kiros instructed. "I'll wait for you here."

**III**

Laguna had gotten ready at a back-breaking speed and rushed to meet Kiros outside of his private room. He slammed his door shut before running down the hallway, Kiros just behind him.

"Are the injured with Dr. Odine?" Laguna called over his shoulder.

"Yes," Kiros grabbed his friend's shoulder, "But we're not going there."

Laguna spun in shock. "What? Why not!" There were people injured, and those peoples just saved his country. Why couldn't he see them?

"Because he has requested to be left alone as their wounds heal." Kiros explained. "Instead, the rest of the squad is awaiting you in your office."

Laguna's foot tapped in annoyance and his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He hated politics so early in the morning.

A slender, dark-skinned hand cupped his cheek. "Let's go, Laguna. I'm sure your office is the last place these teens want to be right now."

Laguna held in a snort. _'It's the last place I want to be right now.' _He followed nonetheless down the dimly illuminated halls of the presidential residence, letting the music of perpetual rain splattering against the long window panes distract him momentarily. He smiled gently when they passed a portrait of Winhill just outside of his office door.

Kiros held the door open for him. Stepping through, he glanced around at the worried faces of four pacing teens, all holding the same question. "_Are they ok? Can we see them_?"

"At ease," the president commanded. They continued stand, though their feet became firmly planted to the plush white carpet.

Laguna tried again. "Relax." This time they all complied, sitting, although reluctantly. Two girls, a blonde and a brunet, sat on the closest couch, the other two, a raven-haired female, and a man in a cowboy hat, sat on opposite armchairs.

"I know you're all worried." Laguna consoled them. "So the faster we go through this, the faster you and I can check on them. Is that ok?" They all nodded in unison. Taking this as a good sign, the president took a seat behind his desk, and the mountains of paperwork that sat atop it. Kiros handed him a small stack of manilla folders.

Laguna glanced through them, not really paying attention to detail. He would rather have the mercenary group tell him the story then make them write it all out for recording purposes.

"What happened?" He asked the group. All of the girls looked to the one male in the tan trench coat, prompting Laguna and Kiros to do the same.

A breathy sigh came from the tall man. "Mr. President," he started slowly. "I think it would be better if I told you this away from the others."

Shocked, Laguna looked at the girls. All of them looked confused, but understanding all the same.

Laguna found his voice. "Kiros, please escort the ladies to see their commander and friend." He looked back at the cowboy, then down at one of the open manilla envelopes, scanning the pages for a name. "Mr. ... Kinneas and I will discuss this matter further." He glanced at his right hand man, who gave him a curious stare before bowing his head.

"Yes, this way ladies." Kiros held the door open for the battle-tired girls, his eyes never leaving Laguna's until he closed the door behind them.

"I finally get to meet the infamous Laguna Loire." the voice sounded as soon as the door knob clicked shut.

Laguna stared at him, taken aback. "You know who I am?"

"It's quite complicated, Mr. President." Irvine began. He leaned himself against the arm of the chair he had been previously occupying. "You see, you're the reason my commander is injured in the first place."

Laguna was on his feet instantly. "The idea is absurd!"

"On the contrary, President Loire," Irvine had uncrossed his arms, taking the few paces to stand opposite Laguna at his desk. "I happen to know the chain of events that led to his injury, starting with the erotic dreams he has about the raven-haired president leaning over him, kissing him, and showing his things he's never felt before."

Laguna gulped. "Just tell me what happened, Kinneas."

Irvine slammed his hands down on the desk in front of him, making Laguna step back more than a few paces. "I'll tell you, Mr. Loire! I'll tell you that he was thinking of you before he was attacked by the Abadon, causing his guard to be down. I'll tell you that he ran not for his life, but yours, in the hopes he would fall asleep to see you again!" Irvine was screaming at the president now, and Laguna felt his spine go rigid. "He has a severe concussion, and there's a piece of his spine that's chipped off and floating around inside of him. He could die! So, I promise, Mr. President Laguna Loire, that if anything happens to Commander Squall Leonheart, you will follow him." he finished in a low growl.

His heart stopped. Memories of the previous nights encounter flooded through him. '_Squall. Squall Leonheart. It's him! It has to be! What are the odds that there are TWO Squall Leonhearts?'_

Laguna couldn't breathe, and every attempt he made only made his chest tighten more. He had to get our of here. Anywhere was safer than here. He wanted to see Squall, but would Squall want to see him? What if something happened to Squall . . .?"

Before Laguna could stop himself, he allowed the tear to trickle down the side of his cheek.

"If you would excuse me, Kinneas." He choked out barely audibly. His feet worked in time with his head, flying him down the hallways of his home. He ignored, everyone, even Kiros, as he rushed passed them.

He needed to breathe. He needed to see Squall.

The early morning rain showered him as he burst through the embellished front doors, mixing with his tears.

"This can't be happening . . ."

Shivers raked through him as he tried to control his breathing. He sat on the front steps, bringing his knees to his chest.

Laguna closed his eyes. Squall's face invaded his thoughts. What would he do if something happened to him? Why did he even care? He barely knew this man apart from his unexplainable dreams. He was by all means of the word, a stranger.

But this stranger, though only coming to him at night, made him feel more whole than his late wife ever had. That wasn't something he couldn't just ignore, was it?

The president of Esthar vowed that if Squall Leonheart made it through this alive, he would make him his.


	3. The Running Free

**Author's Notes**: A whole week! I am ashamed! Nonetheless the thrid chapter is here!

So, remember when I said I wouldn't rush this chapter? I did anyway. I'm sorry if it seems that way . . . again.

In case, my dear readers, you haven't noticed, every chapter title, including the story title, is the name of a song. (That's just how I roll). So I'm going back to the previous chapters and starting with this chapter will be posting a link to the lyrics of the song used. I of course, do not own any of the musical content or lyrics.

_The Running Free - Coheed and Cambria ._

No lemon in this chapter, but there IS an unintentional minor Squall/Irvine moment, and maybe some Kiros/Laguna if you squint . . . oops.

So, I think that's all this time. Per usual, reviews are welcome, flames will be iced and delivered to you on your birthday cake. :D

ENJOY!

**III**

**March 17th - 4 P.M.**

Squall Leonheart squirmed uncomfortably in his dress garbs. The navy blue, bordering black material was scratchy, and it was unbearably hotter than his normal attire. He hated formal gatherings, and he was barely recovered from his encounter with the Abadon, and now he was expected to play nice with the Presidential Party as they danced and drank the night away.

**III**

**Yesterday, 1 P.M.**

_Irvine Kinneas sat at the foot of Squall's infirmary bed, his lips pressed into a thin line. _

_Squall knew he was being unnervingly quiet. _

_"Something wrong?" Squall sat up on the bed, wincing a bit when he stretched his back. _

_A moment of silence passed, then "You're lucky you're able to move, you know?"_

_Squall sighed. "...Yeah." _

_"You're not bothered by that?" Irvine was standing now, flailing his arms about. "You wish you could have just stayed asleep, don't you?"_

_"..." Squall swung his legs off the side of the bed and joined Irvine. "I wish you wouldn't worry, actually..." _

_Irvine scoffed. "Please, who would take care of you if I didn't?" He cupped the commander's chin gently, despite his flustered e motions._

_"Irvine, don't . . . don't beat yourself up. It wasn't your fault." Squall pleaded. _

_It was too late, however. Irvine's lips descended on Squall's. _

_It was a chaste, loving kiss, one that Squall was unworthy of, he felt. _

_Squall placed his hands softly on Irvine's chest, pushing him lightly away. "I wished I could care for you as you do for me, Cowboy." _

_Irvine bowed his head, releasing Squall's chin. "I wish you wouldn't."_

_Squall gave him a puzzled look._

_"You see, I wouldn't want to be the reason of your injuries." He smiled at him sadly. _

_Squall nodded, resting his head on Irvine's shoulder, allowing the cowboy to embrace him. _

_"Could I have this dance?" Irvine whispered. _

_Squall lifted his head, tilting it to the side as he looked at Irvine. "Excuse me?"_

_"Well I'm not going to be able to ask you at the ball. Figured I could indulge myself while I have the chance." _

_Squall nibbled on his lower lip, adverting his eyes from Irvine's. He nodded slowly, however, placing his hands in the Galbadian's and allowing him to lead. _

_There hadn't been much space, given the quarters they were in, but it worked somehow, and it made his partner in crime happy. _

_After a few minutes, Irvine bowed his head to him. "Thank you, Lion." _

_Squall couldn't help but sacrifice a small smile. "The pleasure was all mine."_

**III**

He removed his dress uniform, instead wearing his normal leather pants and bomber jacket. It was just a stupid dance, something to celebrate the defeat of the threat to Esthar. He ran a hand through his freshly shampooed hair, messing it up to his liking, then stood in the mirror. He looked decent, he thought, and maybe, just maybe, tonight, after the lights went down, and the unstoppable rain was all the noise he needed, he would crawl under his sheets and dance with Laguna Loire to a rhythm much more pleasing.

**III**

Laguna straightened the collar on his dark blue dress shirt and smoothed the crinkles on his brown slacks. He flashed the mirror an award-winning grin before donning his fancy black shoes.

He felt refreshed. He was going to see Squall for the first time since he had been rudely aware of his presence in his country.

Laguna, out of respect, decided against meeting him in the infirmary. How would that have gone? 'Oh, Squall Leonheart. I've been having dreams about you for months now, explicit dreams at that . . .' No, not going to happen . . .

He went against pulling his long raven hair into ponytail, instead leaving it to curve at his facial features. He vaguely reminded himself of what he looked like when he was 27 in Winhill; those had been the days!

A knock on his door alerted him it was time to make his appearance at the ball. His idea, of course, was only to meet the boy of his dreams face to face. That his squad had defeated the Abadon that threatened his beloved Esthar was only more the excuse.

"Come in!" he called, looking himself in the mirror again.

"Laguna! We're going to be late! It won't look good if the President is late for an event." Kiros was standing at the in the middle of his bedroom, dressed in a fancy feminine looking red long sleeved shirt that shimmered in certain lights and black slacks that almost covered his black boots.

The president smiled faintly. "You look dressed to impress, Kiros. Anyone in particular you're looking to allure to you tonight?" He winked playfully at his advisor.

Kiros scowled at him, taking in the other's appearance. "No, but perhaps you are?"

Laguna fought to keep the small-ish grin from forming on his lips, but to no avail.

"There is!" Kiros exclaimed. "Who?"

With another devilish wink, Laguna darted passed him and through the door, stopping to look charmingly over his shoulder. "That's my secret."

"Wait! Laguna!' Kiros called after him as he closed the door behind them. Like they were teens again, Kiros pestered him all down the halls of the palace. "Come on! You can't keep secrets like that from me!" Laguna however, wasn't going to budge, simply offering a sympathetic look towards his long time friend.

After a bit, Kiros had left him be, changing the subject. "I hear the students from Balamb recovered nicely. The one only ended up with a few scrapes and a broken arm, however, the leader is lucky to be alive, much less walking around and attending a ball."

Laguna agreed. "I read over the reports from Dr. Odine. He recons that because of the use of their GFs they were able to regenerate faster."

Kiros nodded, keeping next to his president. "But the squad leader may never fully recover."

"I know," Laguna answered sadly, "If he takes another blow like that in battle, or anything, really, he could be paralyzed for the rest of his life." It was hard for him to digest that. Here he hadn't even met his boy wonder and he was already having to think about the possibility of causing him further injury.

"Or worse. Dr. Odine had also stated that where his spine was chipped is a very dangerous area. I was pretty positive that he said another back injury could cause that part of his spine to split up to his medulla, which in turn would cause severe head trauma, or death."

Even though Laguna had read that part of the document, his mind had refused to take in that information. His features fell slightly, enough for his good friend to notice.

"It's not fair, Kiros." He vented. "Such a young man, with the hardened heart of a warrior and scars to rival many others', and he probably hasn't even had the chance to love yet."

Laguna was only mildly comforted by the slender hand on his shoulder. "Unfortunate indeed."

Thankfully as they turned the corner to the ball they skipped the awkward silence that was sure to follow after the chain of comments, instead finding two Esthar security guards rushing towards them.

"President Loire! We've just received word of an intruder on the palace grounds!"

Kiros and Laguna shared a rather bored look before the latter swept passed them. "Gentlemen, we have a fully staffed militia, three ex-Galbadian soldiers, and a squad of mercenaries from Balamb Garden. Surely we should be safe." He took hold of one of the elegant gold door handles, looking over his shoulder. "Please, don't let the guests know." With that, Laguna was through the double doors.

A classical waltz played as Laguna cascaded down the white marble steps to the ground floor. He picked up a glass of champagne, bringing it loosely to his lips as he was greeted by the crowds. Quickly, he scanned the area. White and gold decorations glittered the hall, balloons, ribbons, sparklers, etc. Crystal chandeliers reflected radiance from all directions, a complete contrast to the dark grey sky pelting the earth below with persistent rain. The dance floor was littered with couples dancing and mingling. Finally, the fountain, Laguna's favorite part of the ballroom, was stationed in the center of it all. All white marble came up from the floor and morphed into two swords clashing as they rotated about each other, water spouting from the tips as well as the pool surrounding. Through all of his efforts, however, there was no sign of Squall.

Laguna busied himself despite this, speaking with the Balamb students, (and secretly learning bits and pieces of his erotic fantasy lover, like how he dislikes big events, and is pretty much the loner of the group), and socializing with other presidential party members that he normally wouldn't talk to unless absolutely necessary. Not that he didn't like them, but talking to them was so time consuming and dull, two things Laguna was not a fan of.

The grey skies turned black, the music began to pick up, and the president of Esthar found himself indulged in a mixture of champagne and punch. Kiros, who had caught up to him not that long ago, kept him company as Laguna kept watch for a certain Balamb Lion.

"Have you found her yet?" Kiros voice broke through Laguna's concentration.

He cursed mentally but smiled at his friend nonetheless. "Who said it was a her?" he slipped. He cursed aloud now as Kiros chuckled into his hand.

"Laguna Loire, back on the prowl and wants a fine young lion. What a story!"

"KIROS!" Laguna hissed. He glanced around anxiously, scouting for any prying eyes or ears. "You knew?"

Kiros offered him a smile. "You're easier to read than a children's book, my friend."

When Laguna saw no possible traces of disgust in his advisor's eyes, he returned the smile.

"I think I'm going to get a bit of air." he told the darker man as he stretched up over his shoulders, satisfied with the popping sound his joints had made.

"Do be careful, Laguna. There hasn't been any word that the intruder has been apprehended." Kiros cautioned.

Laguna waved a hand of dismissal as he walked out of a set of double doors, and into the black rainy night. he stood under an awning; the air was fresh, despite the constant downpour.

As the president looked up into the nightly cloud cover, he couldn't help but feel played. Squall was here, in his home, and yet the commander has been a no show to an event that was put together for him! A pang of emptiness stung him in the chest, and he brushed his fingers through his long hair.

A rustle of grass drug Laguna from his thoughts. His eyes snapped to his right, finding a tall, dark figure dressed in black.

_'The intruder?'_

A sick part of Laguna wanted the distraction, to take his mind from the Balamb squad leader. He crept across the pavement under the awning, the figure moving slowly in front of him until he was nearly feet away.

Laguna pounced; the figure was against the outer wall of the palace with one of the president's arms across his chest, the other raised into a fist in case of resistance.

He smirked with triumph as the intruder's body hit the wall with a soft groan.

"L-Laguna?"

Laguna Loire froze in the obsidian rainfall. It was the same voice from his dreams. He looked down into icy blue eyes, shocked, surprised, and lonely, and Laguna imagined he looked something similar.

Without letting his hold of the boy go, Laguna only whispered , too stunned to do much else after he had taken in the full facial feature of the 'intruder'.

"Squall?"


	4. Come Clean

**Author's Notes**: So, LEMON! And I apologize now for any grammer or jumpy story things.

I'm finding it easier and easier to write Squall. Maybe because I'm a better uke writer as opposed to seme...

Also, fun fact! All of the chapters up to this point have been minus 2000 words. I am very pleased to say that this chapter in it's finished state is 5,224 words long. Shows that I actually gave a damn about this chapter!

_Lyrics: Come Clean - Hilary Duff ._

As always, reviews are welcome, flames will be transformed into a ball of yarn for my kittens to play with.

**III**

Squall Leonheart could barely control the shiver that raked his body, and the night's rain had nothing to do with it.

He stared up at the jade green eyes that had haunted his dreams for months now as they glimmered back at him, real and in the flesh. He wanted to ask so many questions: Is this a dream (and if it was he never wanted to wake up)? What was Laguna doing here? Maybe it was all a prank, and Irvine had dyed his hair, gotten some green contacts and really dressed to impress him? Squall couldn't organize the amount of scenarios in his brain long enough to recover his motor skills and inquire about it.

"What are you doing here?" Laguna's voice cut through his reverie with concern, his hold against his chest still holding him firmly to the outer wall of the palace.

Now Squall was shivering, this time from the cold, drenched clothing that clung to his lithe frame. His jaw chattered when he found his voice. "I think I should be asking you that question."

His body felt mildly warmer when Laguna offered him a modest smile. "I'm the President of Esthar, and you are the intruder that's been lurking around the palace all night." Laguna chuckled at his own little joke. "How did you manage to stay out of sight for so long?"

Squall shrugged his shoulders the best he could under the pressure of Laguna's toned arm. "I'm a mercenary. That's what I do." This was unreal. This dream was far too authentic. The shadows of the sunless sky made the older man's eyes practically glow in the dark, and the pouring rain matted his ebony hair to his ivory colored face, the excess water rolling lifelessly down the curve of his jaw line.

Finally, Laguna's arm slid from his chest, his fingers awkwardly entwining softly with his own and pulled him off the concrete barrier. Gemstone eyes smiled into his, "Come inside, Squall. Let's get you dried up."

Squall couldn't begin to explain why he wordlessly followed the man out of the unrelenting storm nearly hand in hand, allowing himself to be escorted through the damped lawn. He felt the weight of the earth shift beneath his boot-clad feet, obeying the man he thought only existed in his erotic fantasies. Hell, if he hadn't known any better, Squall would have began to think that he had made up this person altogether. He stepped through all of the doors that Laguna held open for him, and he never complained about the floors being wet from his dank person.

They continued in silence until they had reached what Squall had assumed Laguna's office, upon entering, he had concluded correctly. A dark oak desk sat front and center, a mahogany leather chair behind it. Beyond that, a large window that over-looked the city of Esthar, accompanied by an equally wide window seat. To their right was a series of bookshelves made from the same wood as Laguna's desk, a small end table with a vintage looking lamp and armchair next to it. In front of the desk were two black cushioned chairs, more than likely for small meetings. To the left was a small living area: a cream colored couch and glass top coffee table sat against the far wall, and a brown leather recliner sat on the other side of the coffee table facing a small flat-screen TV Accents of plants and pictures were throughout the room. Squall debated whether or not Laguna slept here.

His hand was cold again, Laguna's fingers leaving his as he went off to the left and around the corner, coming back with a plush white towel.

_'There's a bathroom here too?'_

Squall thought he was just going to hand him the towel so he could dry himself off. He wasn't expecting the older man to reach out with the towel, slowly wiping off the stilled water droplets from the outside off of his no doubt shocked face. He followed Laguna's motions with the towel as it came along his jaw line, tracing patterns over his exposed neck, finally coming up to his head, where Laguna left the towel and began walking toward his desk.

"The bathroom is just through the doors by the TV Help yourself to a shower and a change of clothes." Laguna offered.

Squall had to admit, a hot shower after being out in the chilling rain all night sounded inviting indeed, but how was he supposed to take a shower knowing that the man of his dreams was only in the next room? He scrunched his face a bit, something in his subconscious was screaming at him.

Laguna was back in front of him, and Squall nearly moaned at the simple touch of the back of his hand on his cheek. "Unless, you want me to help you?"

Squall swallowed thickly before letting his jaw drop. Now he knew he must be dreaming. No one, most especially a certain president of a certain country that he had erotic visions about, just outright offered to undress and shower with people. His stomach was doing flip-flops when he realized Laguna was practically on top of him, gazing down at him with a hopeful look in his gemstone eyes and lips hovering just above his own.

"If this is another one of my dreams, I never want to wake up." Laguna's confession came just preceding his descending lips. Before Squall could laugh about the irony of Laguna's statement he was kissing him back, consenting to Laguna's more than polite tongue asking for entrance to his own moist cavern.

"I think it would be better if I just went alone." Squall protested in between gasps for air. He managed to get himself untangled from Laguna's persuading lips and disappear into the bathroom behind him swiftly enough, shutting the door firmly behind him and sliding down the back of it. He brought his hands to his face. 'What the hell is going on here?' He rubbed his eyes and blinked. This was another dream, that was the only logical explanation for everything that was going on in his head right now. That had to be the only logical reason why Laguna Loire was standing on the other side of the door he was holding in place, why he was kissing him, and even offering to take a shower with him. He shook his head of the last thought, not thrilled about the excited jolt in sent his lower body.

Slowly he stood and walked over to the shower. He raised an eyebrow at the glass door before opening it and setting the water's temperature and letting the water run for a moment.

Squall turned and noted that, as Laguna had said, was a pair of black silk pajama pants in the middle of the two sink counter top with a golden trim around the waistline and leg holes. Folded next to them was a black sleep tank. Across from the sinks was a full-sized pristine white bathtub equipped with jacuzzi jets, and next to that, the toilet and a small linen closet. All of this sat upon a pearly pink tile flooring with ivory pained walls and what looked like cherry blossom wall art displayed here and there.

Above the two person sink hung an elongated mirror in which he watched his reflection as he stripped each layer of drenched clothing from his body. It was then Squall decided that he looked like a drowned stray cat. His brown, mostly unruly hair was plastered to the sides of his face as it dried. The fur on his coat looked like road kill, matted and beaten to death. The shirt underneath he may as well have not been wearing; it was soaked through completely making it blatantly obvious of his raging muscles and peaked nipples. His pants, already acting as a second skin to his toned body was even harder to shimmy out of with the damp leather sticking to his legs. His boots and belts were set to the side with the rest of his clothing in a mass pile of wetness.

Steam began fogging the mirror when Squall stepped into his scorching shower. He hissed slightly as the beating water played contrast to his cooled skin, quickly warming his chilled muscles. Relaxing under the water's torment, he rested his head on the shower's coldish glass.

"This is too much," he muttered, "Just what exactly am I supposed to do now?" He briefly thought of escaping, but this was the presidential palace he was talking about, they didn't just leave trap doors and secret passages lying around, unlike the fool of a general Caraway.

This had secretly been everything he had been hoping for, wasn't it? He was supposed to find his dream lover and live happily-ever-after. Squall couldn't recall when he had begun believing in such fairy tales, or when he really thought he needed someone else in his life other than himself to care for him, and part of him still felt he didn't, but the physical companionship . . . that's what he wanted, he thought, and Laguna seemed like just the right person. He would more than likely never see him again, and on the off chance he did, he would be able to continue this . . . whatever it was.

Thinking like that, however, made Squall twinge. Laguna wasn't just a person per se. There had to be a reason for the relentless dreaming, after all. He ran his hands through his hair, lathering the shampoo through his roots and working it with his fingertips. A soft moan escaped his lips as they massaged his scalp. He imagined Laguna's fingers in his hair, tugging gently and sliding his water-slicked body over his. He imagined lips sucking the droplets from his neck as he left marks along his skin and a cock hardening against his back.

Squall's cock twitched, bringing him out of his small daydream. He threw his head back in the spray, rinsing himself of his thoughts and suds. He watched intently as the water spiraled down the drain and mixed in with the unused soap and smiled a bit. Even if this was going to be a one night thing, it was going to happen.

He wanted to sleep with Laguna. He wanted answers. Maybe, just maybe he would find them in the arms of the president. He knew he sounded silly, but it wasn't often his dreams waltzed into his life, much less in the form of a beautiful raven-haired man with jade green eyes and barely an age line on his flawless face. Squall turned the nozzle to the water off, shaking his head much like a puppy after a bath before stepping out and running a towel through his hair, then over his body. He grabbed the laid out attire and slithered his legs into the silk bottoms, which clung very nicely to his ass, but hung loose everywhere else, before slipping on the black tank top, which also didn't leave much to the imagination. Taking a deep breath, he opened the bathroom door with no real plan of any sort, but with the intentions of getting both things he desired. He was relieved to see Laguna sitting behind his desk at the window seat, staring down at his advanced city. Squall thought he must not have heard him coming as he sat down at the other end of the cushioned seating and looked out over Esthar for the first time.

**III**

Shortly after he has heard Squall turn on the water to the shower, Laguna found himself confused. Everything had happened to quickly! Of course, this had all gone according to plan as well, but not quite how he had imagined it, and the last place he thought he would be tonight was trying to romance him in his office. Sighing, Laguna turned his eyes from the bathroom door, al biet feeling a little rejected, and opted to pull his knees to his chin and look out over the blossoming city of Esthar.

Maybe he had come on to fast? after all, they really were total strangers, yet here they were, only a door apart, and one he imagined very much naked at this precise moment. Laguna closed his eyes as he rested his head on the cool glass of the window. He envisioned Squall pulling softly at his own hair, allowing a tiny moan to part his lips, and how his cock would twitch in enlightenment when he fondled it with a lathered hand. He thought of how he wanted to be that hand, gliding effortlessly over his erection, and how he wanted to feel Squall's head drop to his chest when breath escaped him and his release splattered the glass sides of the encased shower.

Needless to say he was startled when he realized Squall wasn't in the shower anymore, but very much in front of him, looking out over Esthar with wide, curious eyes.

Laguna's heart skipped one too many beats. Even through the rain, the city lights of his technology town shimmered even brighter when reflected off of Squall's baby blue eyes. He stared at the breathtaking sight, simply marveling this young creature before him, and smiled when Squall did the same before adverting his eyes elsewhere.

"You said, something about a dream before," Squall sat cross-legged on the dark red cushion, his eyes meeting everywhere but Laguna's. "Can you elaborate?"

It was Laguna's turn to swallow thickly. "You should know." he started. "It's what got you injured in the first place, isn't it?"

Squall's eyes went as wide as saucers. "How did you-"

"It doesn't matter." Laguna cut him off, partly not wanting to tattle on Irvine. Standing from his seat he began pacing, his hands folded neatly behind his back. "The question we should be asking is why? Why are we having these dreams?"

Squall flinched at the change of atmosphere. "I don't know." He answered feebly. "I was hoping . . . you could tell me."

Laguna groaned. "I'm sorry, Squall. I know as little as you do about this." He sat back down closer to Squall this time. In an act of confidence, he put his hand over his, holding it firmly. "All I know is you're here, and I don't want you to go away." He knew he sounded childish for a man in such a respected position, but he couldn't care less. Something about the Balamb Lion made him believe that if there was something he couldn't handle, something he didn't want to face alone, that he was going to be right there with him. He shifted when Squall leaned forward and rested his forehead on his shoulder softly.

"Just so we're clear, I'm normally not like this. I'm not an open person. I detest anything and anyone that doesn't meet my standards, and there are only two people in this world who know more about me than my name and my weapon of choice other than what's written on documents." he mumbled in defeat.

Laguna shifted again, this time pulling Squall into his lap and wrapping his arms around his middle. "These two people, do you trust them?" When Squall nodded he continued. "Who?"

Squall tilted his head and thought for a moment. A small smile graced his lips when he thought of the cowboy. "Irvine Kinneas is one."

The president nodded. "He's a fine young man." he commented. Squall agreed.

"And the second person?" Laguna pressed, even though he had a feeling you knew who it was.

Squall squirmed, a bit uncomfortably with all of the openess. He still couldn't look in Laguna's eyes. "You," he whispered before nuzzling his nose into the side of the president's cheek.

Laguna chuckled with a caring smile, one of his hands rubbing gentle circles on the boy's back.

Squall sat up suddenly, shaking his head. "This is crazy. I don't even know you."

Laguna shifted so that he was leaning now against the wall, maneuvering Squall so that he was straddling his lap. He ran a thumb across his cheek, staring longingly into in oceanic eyes. "I know, but I can't help but feel like I've known you for years."

None of this made any sense to either of them. Nonetheless, Laguna felt his body involuntarily stiffen when Squall slithered up his body, coming nose to nose with him. He could feel his needy breath tease his lips as he spoke. "The feeling is mutual." Young hands had burrowed into his hair and brought him forward to a sensual kiss. With no hesitation Laguna answered, one of his hands travelled up Squall's side, relishing in the smooth flesh that resided underneath the black tank top, the other burying itself in dampened brunet hair pulling the young man closer and deepen their kiss. His tongue greedily plunged into Squall's mouth, tasting him so completely that the recipient was sure that his very soul was being devoured by this man.

Thunder rolled and lightning flashed through the night skies of Esthar while the rain continued to pound against the large window, but the only sound Laguna could hear was the barely audible moan that fell from Squall's lips as he pulled away from the kiss and Laguna's hand had pulled not too gently on his hair. His cock, still conscious from his previous thoughts of a naked Squall in his shower was practically bursting to life now, his pants becoming much too tight, much too quickly. Squall noted this with a coy little curve to his lips and with his full body weight on Laguna's lap, thrust himself forward.

"Haaaa!" Laguna felt his eyes get heavier with lust and lolled his head back. His hands tightened around Squall's hips, forcing him to do it again, this time his moan mixed with the ones coming from the man above him. In a single, surprisingly fluid motion Squall's arms wrapped around Laguna's neck while he stood up and held on tightly to his silk clad ass as he transferred their activities to the desk. With a quick and silent communication he and Squall made quick work of the surface, papers and pens fluttering away and flopping listlessly on the carpeted floor in a haste to finally have the real Squall Leonheart pinned beneath him and willing to give himself up.

The next time Laguna descended down on the boy's lips there was a new kind of desperation and curiosity. Hands tangled in the others' hair in a sense of urgency and mouths clashed together with a burning need.

In a one time offer, Laguna stood straight, bringing Squall up with him in heap. Softly, he put his forehead against his, thumbing over his heated cheeks. Kindness and sincerity in his eyes, he whispered, "Are you sure this is what you want?" He watched as Squall chewed his bottom lip before replying, "I am." The corners of Laguna's lips twitched into a devious smirk. He plunged a hand under the commander's shirt and tweaked at one of the rosy buds on his chest. Squall tossed his head back, allowing Laguna to dive for his neck and suck the junction between his collarbone and neck, eliciting quite the guttural groan from him.

Laguna made his mark, teeth biting harshly enough to draw forth the metallic taste of blood, making his prey howl in a mix of pain and pleasure. He lapped up the specs of red moisture tenderly, kissing the spot until the ache dulled, then trailed his lips up Squall's neck to his jaw line, finishing at his ear. He licked at the tender flesh lightly, grinning when the Balamb Lion was forced to hold in a moan.

"Is this you first time, Squall?" Laguna was teasing the brunet's shirt off as he taunted him.

If Laguna hadn't already been hard when Squall answered him, he would have been right then and there. Brown locks, still damp from his previous shower were clinging to his face, icy blue eyes scintillated in the flash of the midnight storm and in turn illuminating the creamy skin of his chest and torso, his lips were parted ever so slightly, and a dusty pink blush crawled over the bridge of his nose as he nodded his head.

This very image, Laguna knew, would be burned into his memory for the rest of time itself.

Squall Leonheart was sinfully the most absolutely breathtaking creature ever created.

Catching his breath again, Laguna took Squall's hands and together worked on the buttons of his own blue shirt. He watched as with every inch of exposure to his skin Squall's eyes grew more and more curious, and also, more independent. When Squall unhooked the last button of the garment and slid it off the president's shoulders his eyes and fingertips drank in the sight and feel of someone elses skin so close to his own naked torso.

Laguna smiled, cupping his chin and bringing his eyes to meet his own. He leaned down, hovering just over his lips and letting his breath tickle over them. "Beautiful," was the single word before wrapping Squall's legs around his waist and moving them again, this time to the armchair, where he set him down gently preceding to settling in between his legs.

**III**

Squall looked at him, anxiousness etched in his features as he watched Laguna pull down the waistband to the not-so-needed-and-he-highly-doubted-they-were-going-to-stay-on-for-very-long-anyway pajama pants to reveal is hardend length. He swallowed heavily, eyes never leaving the other when a long finger glided up his shaft, coming to a stop at the tip of its head, and pressing down into the slit there. Squall couldn't hold the gasp of air that escaped him.

He couldn't help but nearly scream in pleasure as there was suddenly a warm mouth encasing his cock. His nails dug deeper into the upholstery with every tantialzing oral thrust, and the way his lips moved had to be some sort of hell-sent blessing, because it was just downright wicked. He felt the pressure build up all too quickly, and without warning came within the president's mouth.

**III**

Laguna swallowed the bittersweet fluid, licking his lips after. For all the dreams he had, they couldn't hold a flame to how delicious he truly was. It was a taste, he had concluded, that he could easily live with forever.

Standing so he could lean on the arms of the chair, he noticed that Squall had gone sparsely cold. He put a hand on his, holding it with care. "Don't be embarrassed. You said it was your first time. I wasn't expecting anything less." He tried to be consoling, but he only seemed to be pushing him further away. He pulled him up off of the large chair and brought him into a light hug. "Look at me," he whispered, "Please?" When Squall looked up at him it was apparent that he hadn't been expecting to come so soon. Laguna couldn't resist the innocence of his face and chuckled softly. "Come on, let's continue this elsewhere." He led Squall around the small living room of his office and back through the doors to the spectacular bathroom. He couldn't help but smile a bit when Squall cocked his head to the side in confusion. He took his hands in his own, kissing them both once before releasing them gently, stepping back with a newfound lust. His nimble fingers tugged with a held back urgency at his belt, then the button of his dress pants, green eyes never leaving Squall's as the stark naked commander stared in fascination.

Shoes and all other barriers removed, Laguna winked at Squall. Walking forward so that he was flush against the other's body, it was then that Squall realized that Laguna's erection was rubbing coaxingly on his own reawakened cock with a sharp, pleasant hiss.

"See?" Laguna breathed into his ear, "Nothing to worry about." He licked the outer shell of his ear, placing deliberate and soft nips along the way, down his neck and chest, stopping to flick his tongue over a pert nipple.

"Laguna . . ." It was barely audible, even within the dead silence of the room, save for the outside rainfall, but Laguna heard it, and it was all he needed to persuade him to move. Standing straight again, he brought a hand around the base of Squall's neck, pulling him into a bruising kiss.

Squall wimpered, wanting more and more of this gorgeous man to devour him whole. Somehow managing to pull away from Laguna's warm embrace, he slid his arms between them, stopping the sense-numbing ministrations. He wanted to tell Laguna things that made no logic, things that one would tell a lover, but is that what they were? He head was spinning with scenarios and desire, and in the end, desire won.

"If this is a dream, and we wake up alone, I want you to know that I hate myself for being so open with a perfect stranger." Where was he going with this? It wasn't what he wanted to tell the man that has haunted him for months unend. "What I mean is," he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "I don't know if this is love, or if I just want to explore sex with you, but I know that I don't want you to leave."

When he opened them again, Laguna wasn't in front of him. The sound of running water caught his ears, drawing his attention to the previously unoccupied shower.

There was Laguna, naked as the day he was born, water rushing off of every lean muscle in his body, one hand coursing through his raven colored hair, the other massaging his organ, staring at him with need.

Squall decided right then and there that water was made specifically for Laguna to glamour and enchanted all of his unsuspecting victims. He looked simply godly. Drawn to his beauty, he joined the older male in the glass-walled shower.

Laguna smiled at him. "Like what you see?"

Offering a small upturn of his lips, Squall replied, "I do," then reached out to touch his body of creamy silk. Down his chest and passed his groin to replace Laguna's own hand and stroke his erection. With every caress came more passion, and the faster every thrust of his caverned hand became until Squall was able to wrap a finger around the balls that hung just under the other's cock. He looked up into Laguna's half-lidded eyes. "I want this inside of me," he groaned.

Before Squall could comprehend the predicament he was now in his legs were hugging Laguan's hips, arms around his neck. Lips covered his own and a finger was toying with his entrance. He moaned loudly into Laguna's hot mouth when the finger pressed into his hole, his inner walls clamping around the intruder.

Laguna pulled his lips away from Squall's. "Relax. You have to relax." So, he tried the best he could, adjusting the the feeling of having something in his rectum. Just when he had gotten used to one finger, the second was applied. He moaned louder this time.

"Think of the dreams. Concentrate on how good the dreams felt." Laguna tried easing his mind, kissing his cheek repeatedly and rubbing circles with his thumbs on his lower back, as his hands were holding him up. Suddenly, Squall found it easier to ease the tension in his body.

Until Laguna curled his fingers around his prostate. Then the world was a fabulous shade of rainbow and he found himself pushing down on Laguna's fingers, needing more of that technicolor pleasure. He forced him to hit that spot again and again up till the colors blurred into white.

All at once, the fingers were gone, and Laguna was inside of him, his body engulfing the organ slowly, inch by inch. He shouted then bit down hard on his lip, fighting the pain and praying for the soon to come ecstacy. He dug his nails into Laguna's upper back as the man's erection was pressed in to the hilt and slowly drawn back out until nothing but the tip remained. While Laguna continued this action, Squall got used to the invasion, the pain subsiding and pleasure taking it's place, and he welcomed it with open arms.

"So tight . . ." Laguna moaned as he pressed himself in again.

It was in that moment that they both looked at each other. Both were slicked with sweat that was mixed with the running water, lips parted, both very naked and slippery.

They rested on the others' forehead, Laguna never stopping the slow thrusts in and out of Squall's hole and closed their eyes. Their thoughts drifted to one another and connected.

_"I'm . . . happy. Even if it's only in my dreams, you make me happy." _

Laguna's thrusts became faster. Squall's grip on his back lessened to a loving embrace as he moaned with each insertion of his erection.

_"This . . . this can't be a dream. You're too real, too warm, and too damn sexy to be a dream anymore."_

Squall clenched his eyes further shut when Laguna smacked the tip of his head into the spot that made his toes curl behind his back.

_"You make we want to be all the things I never was before."_

_"Like what?"_

_"Open. Trusting. Loving." _

_"Is that was this is?" _

_"This is us, and whatever we are, then it is what it is."_

"Laguna..." Squall's moans became more sporatic, his hips moving at their own accord and meeting with Laguna's every movement.

"What does that mean?"

_"Well, I guess it means that I'm not letting you get away now that I found you." _

_A smirk. "Who said I was leaving?"_

"I'm coming." Squall whispered. He felt his cock tighten and twitch with all the sensations in his body as the white that had clouded his vision before returned, spilling his seed between them.

As Squall's inner walls clenched around Laguna's cock he moaned, releasing all he had to offer into the mercenary.

"Laguna, wh-what was that?" Squall panted, opening his eyes.

Laguna shook his head. "I think, that's how the dreams happend. Somehow out subconsiousness connected."

This time Squall shook his head. "That doesn't make any sense."

The president laughed. "None of this does." He put Squall back on his feet, allowing him to rinse himself of his own bodily fluids. He smiled, coming up behind him and holding him there, running his hand over his lover's abdomen and assisting in the process.

"What does this mean?" Squall finally asked.

Laguna rested his head in the crook if Squall's neck. "I'm not sure, but I want this to continue. I want to . . . " He swallowed, not wanting to send the newly devirginized Balamb Lion to escape him. "I want to have a relationship with you."

Squall relaxed into his arms and sighed, the smile evident in his voice, "The feeling is mutual."

Laguna squeezed him tightly. "I suppose you'll be leaving soon to return to Balamb tomorrow."

That realization hadn't quite reached Squall until now. "I suppose so."

"But you'll write? And call every now and then?" The president asked hopefully.

While Squall wasn't really much of a writer or a talker, he agreed.

After all, this wasn't a dream anymore.


	5. Starstrukk And Lovely

**Author's Notes**: Umm . . . LEMON. Because you won't be getting another one the next chapter. :D TREAT!

This chapter is NOT what I intended it to be. At all. This was supposed to be a phone sex scene, but after a fairly recent experience I had with sunburn, this went completely awry. LOL!

Two songs were the inspiration for this chapter.

_Starstrukk - 3oh!3: ._

AND

_Lovely - Breathe Carolina: ._

Reviews are welcome. Flames will be handed to my Snr. Asst. Mngr. at work so he can explode. :D

Enjoy!

**III**

**June 25th**

Squall Leonheart was in pain, excruciating pain, and it took Irvine Kinneas every fiber of his being not to outright laugh.

"This isn't funny, Irvine!" Squall screeched in his office. However, Irvine only snickered louder.

"On the contrary, Commander, the color red looks absolutely devilish on you." Irvine was quite red himself, however not for the same reason. He reached his hand out and pat him on the shoulder.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Squall did all but literally fly away and slam himself onto the chair behind his desk. The reaction had the cowboy rolling on the floor in his own tears.

**III **

_It had been quite the surprise when Laguna Loire made an emergency trip to Balamb to discuss some sort of trade negotiation with the commander of Garden. What was more surprising is that was the last thing that Laguna wanted to talk about._

"Laguna, if you aren't here to talk business, just why exactly did you come?" asked the stony commander as he clicked away at a document on his laptop.

Laguna shrugged, scratching the back of his head nervously and answered in a whisper, "Do I need a reason to see my boyfriend?"

Granted, they had spoken on the phone and wrote the occasional letter, just as Squall has promised, but it had been the first time they'd seen one another face to face since that night. With a sigh, Squall stood and walked around the other side of the desk and leaned, holding his arms out to the older man, who took no time in gathering him up in his arms and holding him to chest.

"I missed this," Laguna admittedly into brunet locks.

Relaxing a little, Squall nuzzled into his neck, smiling, "Me too." He inhaled Laguna's familiar scent of holly that belonged solely to him, finding himself inching closer with every breath.

"I have work to finish." Squall suddenly stated and pulled away, managing to get only an arms length from the president, who had a peculiar grin on his face, and Squall, albeit not being around him too much, had a sick dropping feeling in his stomach. "What did you do?"

Laguna threw his hands up in the air in mock shock. "Nothing! Why would you accuse me of doing anything?"

Squall glared, "Because I know you. Now, tell me what you've gotten me into."

Laguna chewed on his bottom lips before grinning broadly. "I took the liberty of canceling all of your appointments and setting up a date with you!"

Squall's palm covered his face as he shook his head, anger boiling inside of him. This was unbelievable. "No, no no no! You can't do that!"

"On the contrary, Commander," Laguna was mocking him as he made his way around closer to the anger Balamb Lion, "I can. Even in your Garden, I outrank you." He slid an arm around his waist, pulling him back into a half embrace and looked down into fiery blue eyes. "And I don't just mean in politics," he added with a sultry tone.

Squall squirmed uncomfortably, though it wasn't from the anger, rather, because Laguna was being just so damn sexy. "Laguna! Not here!" he hissed.

Laguna chuckled. "Of course not. Someplace a bit more private then?"

The commander rolled his eyes. "Yes, it would be more preferable."

"I've an idea." Laguna started, and Squall's stomach flopped. Wonderful. "Get changed into some appropriate attire and I'll take you somewhere we can be alone. How does that sound?"

If Laguna hadn't sounded so desperate for the need of 'alone time', Squall probably would have laughed in his face and told him to get lost. However, the man was his ...boyfriend (the word sounded so weird to him), and he wanted to appease him.

"Fine," he said, throwing in the towel," what am I changing into?"

Like a school girl who had just been asked out by the cute boy in class, Laguna clapped his hands and jumped, yes, jumped, up and down. "We're going to the beach!" he sang! "Grab a swimsuit!"

Squall stared at him in disbelief. Surely this was a nightmare and he was going to wake up at any given moment. "..."

Laguna stopped prancing about and grabbed his hands. "Do you not have one because I can get you one! It's not a big deal and-"

"Yes! I have one!" Squall interrupted. He was sure he was going to regret this later in life. He left the room silently, leaving Laguna to continue frolicking down the halls as he followed him to his dormitory. Squall did all but put up a force field around himself to convince his students that this crazed man was not to be associated with him what-so-ever.

When he finally reached his room after what seemed like the longest walk of shame in his life he opened the door with the appropriate card key then turned to Laguna sharply. "Stay," he commanded before the automatic door slipped shut, leaving a stunned and maybe insulted president of Esthar on the other side to stare.

**III**

Laguna waited patiently for his lover to return. He leaned his back against the wall, arms folded over his chest loosely.

He was glad that Squall had decided to humor him and agree to this little thing he had wanted to do with him. After all, it had taken a little more than strategically coaxing Kiros to watch over the ancient city for a whole week while he made 'negotiations'.

The door to the dormitory clicked, followed by a high tech swoosh, revealing his lover donned in white swim trunks embroidered with a brown and blue Hawaiian floral pattern and a dark blue skin tight tank top to cover up his defined chest and stomach. Laguna had to bite back a moan at the sight.

Uncomfortable with the scrutiny and sporting a dusty blush Squall crossed his arms. "Are we going?"

**III **

Squall's forehead dropped to Laguna's shoulder with another heavy pant. He tried to remember how he ended up with his legs securely fastened around the older man's toned hips while his entrance was probed with an aching cock.

Laguna had waded him out into the water as soon as they had set their belongings on the dusty sand. They were far out enough that Squall felt comfortable wrapping his arms around his waist under the ocean blues and not feel like he was being watched.

He felt Laguna chuckle. "Are you that afraid of being judged?" A hand came up from the slight waves and brushed his cheek, and Squall tried not to shy away.

"You don't understand," Squall insisted, "I've been a recluse all this time. For people to see me so open with someone is something that's going to take a little bit of time for me to get used to."

Laguna sighed a bit heavily, but nodded. "I do understand, but it's so rare that we can see each other that I just wish you could put it behind you."

Squall offered him an apologetic smile. "I know, Laguna." He settled for braving it up to place an innocent kiss on the man's neck.

He was pulled in closer to the president's body then, lips descending on the shell of his ear. The contrast of the hot breath against the cooling chill of the water made the commander shiver.

"You're adorable when you blush, you know." Laguna's voice was purred like a needy kitten, only deepening said rosy tint on Squall's features.

"Shut up," the boy mumbled into a strong chest, trying his best to hide is embarrassment. His hands, however, spoke volumes in comparison to his flushed cheeks as nails travelled up and down his lover's sides, every now and then accidently on purpose palming his swim trunks lower and lower. Laguna didn't notice, or if he did, he hadn't said anything as he continued to whisper sweet nothings in Squall's ear.

"I'd like to take you out on a proper date sometime," he admitted, "perhaps dinner, then a nice, innocent stroll in the city." A series of kisses were delicately placed along Squall's jaw line, and Squall's lips curled into a smile.

"I think that could be arranged somehow, though, with how often we don't see one another, I have a feeling the night isn't going to end as 'innocent' as you might intend it to."

Laguna smirked. "You're probably right about that. I just can't seem to keep my hands off your hot little body."

Squall growled when his cock twitched in delight. "Stop that!"

"Stop what?" Laguna acted coy.

"Stop saying things like that." By now, whether it had been subconscious or not Squall had managed to get Laguna's shorts around his thighs, taking the half hard member into his hand and tugging it enough to let his lover know he had had enough of the talk, and wanted to play a new kind of game, causing him to stifle a groan in Squall's neck.

Squall grinned. He was in control here, and he liked it. He craned his neck up and licked the skin underneath Laguna's ear. "Or maybe it's because I'm just a horny teenager that's completely smitten with the idea of an experienced, sexy, older man touching my body and screwing me senseless," he moaned.

"Squall..." Laguna was growling when his penis sprang to full attention. He bit down on his lover's shoulder to silence himself.

After the soft 'pop' of skin inflicted by Laguna's canines was a blur to the Balamb Commander. Flashes of heated kisses and wanton moaning enlightened him as he was penetrated, his hips being forced onto the invading organ. His nails left ravines in his lover's shoulders.

"And here I thought you were shy," Laguna teased as he let his younger lover adjust to the feeling of being filled. "But here you are, the Balamb Lion, sneaking off to a secluded little grotto where anyone can just happen by with your trunks on the rocks, head tossed back, and your hands splayed with want over an older man's naked body."

Had Squall actually heard what he had said, he might have considered ending the bout altogether, or at least moving it behind closed doors. As it were, he hadn't, too much focused on the throbbing member that was begging for release, both his own and the one inside him.

"Hyne, Laguna, move!" The water was beginning to chill his hot body, shivers coursing his exposed upper body and peaking his dusty pink nipples.

Like an answered prayer, he did, thrusting his hips to crush himself into the younger male, forcing a sinful moan from his swollen lips. Water splashed against the rocky hideaway with each passion-filled movement of the pair, the sound mimicking the course of pleasure that was rushing through one another's bodies.

Laguna's arms held tighter onto his prize as momentum quickened, the lapping waves doing nothing to help grip the slick body he was penetrating. One particular adjustment caused the tip of his erection to brush against that deep, tantalizing spot within his lover.

Squall bit his lip as he rode Laguna, wanting, no, needing, for him to hit it again. His muscles clenched around Laguna's cock, and he was sure then that this was made a sin for a reason, it felt impossibly good. No one should fit inside another so perfectly, like the missing piece of a puzzle where are the other pieces were gone.

Pulling himself closer to Laguna he came between them, hoping to convey some sort of message to him in releasing himself over his abdomen.

Laguna came wordlessly shortly after, burying his face in the nape of Squall's neck and removing his softening member.

The sun was setting into the waters of Balamb, time escaping them altogether as they watched it in silence as it dissipated into it's liquid sanctuary, alluring out the moonlight and the stars that followed.

"It's late." Laguna stated, his soft voice cutting through the magical scene.

Squall agreed, "Yeah."

"We should be getting back."

Squall nodded, turning head from Laguna to retrieve his trunks. Fingertips delicately grabbed his chin, insisting his eyes to melt into cool, glimmering jade eyes. Their eyes closed, nothing but the sound of the fresh night air and cool waves to interrupt them, and they kissed, sweetly and innocently, for the first time. It sent sparking shivers through Squall's lips, and he smiled into it.

As quickly as the lips came, they went, and they were smiling back at him.

"I could get used to this," Squall admitted.

Laguna hugged him close. "The feeling is mutual."

**III **

Squall rolled his eyes as the phone rang again. Honestly, he hated all forms of communication. Nothing but e-mails, phone calls, interruptions from his SeeDs, it never ended. So when Squall picked up the phone a little more than angry, Laguna was a little taken aback.

"Um, hi?" he replied to the slightly nasty, "What do you want now?"

Squall sighed deeply. He didn't have time for Laguna right now, not with all of the paperwork and bothersome distractions that presented themselves to him today. "Hi, Laguna."

"You sound tense."

"Really?" Squall asked, sarcasm dripping from his tone of voice, "I hadn't noticed." He could feel his lover recoil on the other end from the bitterness and mentally kicked himself. "I'm sorry. How are you?"

Laguna seemed to have sympathy for him. After all, he did run his own country. How he did it was beyond him, but somewhere in the back of Squall's mind, he highly doubted Laguna did much of the work anyway. "Sounds like I called at just the right time." he said, and Squall could hear the apprehensiveness over the receiver. "How would you like to go away with me for a weekend?"

"Laguna, I saw you just a week ago. Surely, you can't be taking that much time off?"

"Yeah..." He caught the disappointment in the older man and took another deep sigh.

"But," Squall toyed with out to say it in his head before speaking, "I miss you."

Laguna's smile practically radiated through the phone. "Then you'll come with me?" Even though Laguna never got a verbal answer, he knew that the answer was yes before Squall hung up the phone.


	6. Fragments of Memories

**Author's Notes**: Lots of things to go over. For starters, we start out with a small scene with Irvine, which wasn't planned, but I felt fitting. There is no lemon in this chapter, but be warned of ridiculous amounts of fluff and angst and quite possibly some OOCness from all parties. Also, I've introduced Al Bhed into this chapter, and it will be used sporadically throughout the remainder of the fic. You see, I have a slight bit of an obsession with the Al Bhed, and I just couldn't restrain myself from keeping it out of this fic. I apologize ahead of time. There will be asterics at the bottom for the translations. FLASHBACKS! Okay, this is one of the two flashback chapters. You will probably notice that they are short and in some places disjointed. Be aware that I made them that way purposely. They are called FLASHbacks afterall.

There are no lyrics for this chapter. Fragments of Memeories is the music that is played in game during your duration at Winhill.

So, without any more delay, here we go! Chapter 6!

**III**

Irvine Kinneas cursed loudly as he tore through the halls of Balamb Garden with a fiery fierceness. He would be damned if the President of Esthar was going to set foot on the campus grounds again, much less to see Squall. The voices of people screaming at him to slow down, or asking him what was wrong never reached Irvine's ears, too overcast with unrequited love for his commander and the determination to see to it that Laguna Loire would never see him again.

He stopped, finally, just outside the library out of breath, catching his prey.

Irvine, with a sharp shot and a wicked tongue just as accurate, had had the flame of his resolve iced over from the downright murderous glare he received from the brunette soldier. He was completely frozen, having to settle with returning an equally lethal stare down. They maintained until Laguna had brushed by him, and Irvine had found his voice again.

"It's his birthday. You're probably the last person he wants to see." His voice was feral, barely louder than a predatory growl. It pleased him when Laguna stopped to recognize the hidden threat, and he was only a little shocked when he continued to the elevator. Irvine smirked as he felt his limbs altogether defrosted and he turned, heading in the opposite direction.

Maybe it was a good thing that he had let Laguna go. For one, he hadn't caused any harm, nor was he a victim. Still, he felt nauseous, his emotions only able to take so much obvious rejection.

He chalked it up to his motto in life, 'As long as Squall is happy, he'll be okay.'

**III**

_When Butterfly and Cowboy had dropped him off in the middle of a seamlessly endless green plain that surrounded a small, secluded village in the middle of nowhere, Squall couldn't help but wonder what he was getting himself into. He had given the duo a short wave before taking his first hesitant steps into the small civilization of Winhill. It wasn't long before his reached the town bluffs and began to get a better look at his destination. _

_White and brown houses and shops were laid out in a quaint design with an accent of different colored flowers. Dirty stone walkways led the way around Winhill. _

_It wasn't until Squall had passed the Flower Shop that he spotted Laguna, dressed down in light blue jeans (which Squall mentally noted that his ass looked very appealing in them), and a dark blue v-neck shirt hanging around outside what looked to be a pub. He smiled to himself as he continued walking. Laguna's hair was pulled back in a ponytail, his gorgeous eyes lost in what looked to be a dictionary of a different language. Even as Squall has continued his approach on the older man he hadn't budged, and it wasn't until he was practically on top of him reading over his shoulder that Laguna startled back to reality. _

_"Sorry," Squall apologized and scratched the back of his head with his free hand, the other one carrying his luggage. "What were you reading?"_

_Laguna's smile warmed him. "It's Al Bhed, an old language that was popular three hundred years ago. It was utilized mostly on the Centra Continent." _

_"Really?" Squall took the old, barely intact book and flipped through the pages. "Dra Al Bhed myhkiyka unekehydat vnus dra cyht baubma vnus yhleahd desac yht drah fyc ytybdat po dra Centra.*" Squall finished reading and handed the book back to Laguna. "It seems easy enough."_

_"You can hold onto it if you'd like." Laguna offered him the book back. "I'm already fluent in it. A perk of being the President is having a lot of down time to really touch on things you never thought you would." _

_Squall raised an eyebrow as he reached for the book. "Are you sure?" Laguna nodded and Squall tucked the book under his arm. "Thanks." he replied shyly. He felt awkward. He knew that he didn't see Laguna that much, but it felt much different than their last encounter just last week. He looked around for something to distracted him and keep the conversation going. "So is this where we're staying?" They turned and faced the building, Squall reading the hanging sign over the door, 'Raine's' _

_"Yeah. There's a hotel here, but I really wanted to stay here, if that's alright with you." Squall nodded, letting Laguna open the door for him before stepping through the threshold. _

_There wasn't anyone at the bar then, the tall wooden tables left barren with stools to match. White flowers decorated the otherwise dark cherry interior. Stained glass windows reflected peacefully on the glasses that hung from a rack on the ceiling over the bar. _

_Squall was caught staring in awe at his surroundings, Laguna chuckled softly as he watched him. _

_"What are you thinking?" he asked._

_Squall, looked at Laguna in the eyes for the first time since his arrival and gave him a sincere smile. "Nothing." He lied. _

**III**

Laguna Loire was beyond furious, and that was possibly the most impossible task to accomplish. Laguna never got angry. He wasn't even this mad when Esthar had kidnapped Ellone nearly twenty years ago. His black hair bounced against his back in its normal ponytail in rhythm with each of his confident stomps through the Balamb Garden grounds.

His stiff posture went more rigid when he was greeted by the Balamb Lion's beloved cowboy, who quickly took the dangerous flash of scarlet that rarely came out from Laguna's docile green eyes as a sign to stay out of his way. It didn't stop Irvine from calling after him, though.

"It's his birthday. You're probably the last person he wants to see." he warned. Laguna stopped briefly, absorbing this before continuing to march to the commander's office.

Squall hadn't contacted him in nearly two months since their last vacation. No letters. No calls. Hyne, he hadn't even bothered to have someone deliver a message to him. Laguna had thought him a coward for this.

He waited for the elevator doors to open impatiently, pacing in small circles in front of the sliding barriers. He knew he had to calm down. It couldn't be good for his health to be this outraged. The president also knew that the issue needed to be addressed one way or another, and if his . . . no, he still couldn't call him that word . . . his irresponsible lover . . . or whatever status they were now, couldn't step up and face the facts of what reality was holding for them then he had to be the bigger man.

The doors finally opened and he stepped in. It was now or never, and he was going to be damned if this wasn't resolved, no matter what the outcome. He fingered over the sealed contents of the folder he held, more than ready to tear them up.

Above all else, even his fury, he was heartbroken. How was he supposed to know that an innocent trip with his boyfriend was going to turn into this?

The elevator chimed, announcing the arrival to the commander's chambers. Taking a deep breath Laguna and began his advance to the door, where he knew Commander Squall Leonheart resided most of his days. He ignored the receptionist when she asked if he had an appointment, and again when she tried to stop him with her feeble words.

The door was only feet away, this was it. He opened, shut, and locked the heavy door in one fluid swooshing sound.

Laguna's eyes fell on the shock of icy blues and he became glued. His anger was so extreme that his jaw became set, or maybe that was in fear of crying again. The manila folder in his hands began to tremble with every staggered breath he took.

Neither of them could find words, they just stared at the other, and suddenly the world seemed very, very wrong.

**III**

_Laguna Loire awoke the crack of dawn to the sound of bare feet patting along the wooden floor downstairs. Sleepily, he rubbed his eyes and stretched his arms over his head, working out the sleep that lingered through his body. He followed the sound of the footsteps carefully, finding Squall when he got the the foot of the stairs, pacing back and forth around the bar with his nose in the book he had given him. He stifled a chuckle when he heard the younger male sounding out each individual letter, getting used to the feeling of the sounds on his tongue. After a few minutes of watching his lover studying he cleared his throat, making the brunette jump. "Cunno, Kuut Sunhehk.*" he said with a smile. _

_Squall smiled back, folding a corner to the worn pages to mark his spot and setting the now closed book on the bar. "Good morning." _

_Laguna walked to him, cupped the commander's face delicately and kissed him sweetly. _

_III_

_Laguna watched Squall labor over the country bar sink carefully working the aged water spots from the once pristine glasses that he seemed fascinated with because he said that they seemed familiar to him, determined to restore them to their former glory. He handled each piece of crystal with the utmost of care, cradling the delicate objects tenderly. Laguna wondered if Squall had ever been told that his hands were beautiful. _

_He got lost in the thought of Squall's hands, battle-calloused and blood stained. How was it possible that someone with the ferocity of a lion had the heart of a lamb? Laguna daydreamed of Squall one day feeling comfortable enough to treat him with those wonderful hands the same way he massaged the glasses back to health. _

_The coolness of sprinkled water against his face broke him of his reverie. Shocked, Laguna eyes Squall in time for another small spray of wetness, preceded by a softly muttered battle cry, "Bam!" He blinked, dazed, confused, and very much amused by his lover's playfulness. _

_And then Squall giggled._

_Laguna's head snapped fully turned to him now. Squall had his hands splayed out like a monster waiting for it's prey, droplets of water trailing down from his fingertips. A small, impish grin danced along his lips, which Laguna returned. _

_He remembered a boy of just year or two and his mother. Hyne if he didn't look like her too. Brown hair, unruly at best circumference his little face holding his eyes that shimmered like the ocean, unlike both his mother and father. He remembered the child splashing about an old bathtub, slapping the bath water just hard enough that he would get his father's white tee shirt speckled with the abroad droplets. _

_"Laguna?" Squall was almost nose to nose with him, smile still on his face, but concern written in his blue eyes. "Are you okay?"_

_Laguna chuckled to himself, shaking the fragment of memory from his head. "You just remind me of someone I used to know sometimes."_

**III**

Squall sat firmly behind the barrier of his desk, his facial features barely showing more than a little shock. His insides, however, contorted to sickening knots at the mere sight of Laguna.

Neither of them spoke, only stared at the other, emotions rampant and apparent through the icy glares they shared.

He balled his fists as he stood, the black pen he had been using to fill out his regular military forms clutched tightly in his grasp. "Get out." he threatened, his tone even colder than his eyes. Squall trembled slightly when Laguna made a noise of disgust and advanced. His lion's courage dwindled away with every heart pounding step Laguna took toward him. When he stopped just on the other side of his desk, so did Squall's heart. Even now, after everything they had learned in Winhill months prior, Squall yearned to reach out and caress the stiff features from his face. For that he mentally cursed himself and his unbeating heart burned in turmoil.

Squall continued his signature glare before Laguna handed him a manila envelope.

"It's all here." His voice was hard and authoritive, unlike the carefree, love for life tone his usually had about him. Squall inwardly flinched as he continued. "All the proof you should need." Laguna paused, stumbling for words. Squall could feel his spine stiffening more as he pressed on. "There are DNA tests too, and, there is no denying that you are my-"

Squall cut him off, snatching the envelope from his hand. For a split second their skin brushed and he retreated as though he had been stung. His heart flared up again, forcing him to blink back the agony it brought with it. He tore off the sealed flap, tossing it aside. Within was exactly was Laguna had said would be there. Disregarding the other valuable documents, Squall thumbed to his only interest, the DNA test.

For months he denied, avoided, and tried to forget what Raine's diary had revealed. He went through the emotional cycle equivalent to that of grief. He cried for the first time in years from a broken heart. There were nights and sunrises where he was spared any ounce of sleep, and even though it was the dead of summer, he shivered from the chill of emptiness. It was crazy, and downright illogical, but he fell in love with a man who had been no more than a dream.

But there it was in factual black and white, and you just can't win against the real thing.

That was the breaking point for the Balamb Lion. He grit his teeth and held his breath, fighting a losing battle with the hot tears that boiled from his shut eyes. The pen in his fist dropped, forgotten on the floor next to the torn off envelope seal as he admitted defeat in front of his father.

**III**

_Squall Leonheart was so wrapped up in the Al Bhed dictionary again that he didn't hear Laguna talking to him until the man was practically crawling on top of him._

_"Now I see why they made you Commander." he said, smiling. "You were very studious weren't you?" _

_Squall offered him a small turn of the corner of his lips. "Still am."_

_"Well, would you mind stopping long enough to come for a little exploration with me?" _

_Squall looked at him skeptically. "What kind of exploration?" _

_"Ohhh . . . you'll see." Laguna purred at him. _

_With such an alluring look such as the one on Laguna's face at that moment and kisses like the ones that said man was placing strategically along his exposed collarbone and neckline, there was no way he could say no. He again folded the corner of the page down to mark his place and set the book down on the bar._

_It was really the first time they had been outside of the bar since they arrived two days previous. The weather was beautiful! The wind was soft, not unlike velvet, against his skin. The sun was just hitting high noon status, the town, quiet._

_Squall swayed his head in Laguna's direction when he felt fingertips intertwine with his own. He tightened his grip, giving him the reassurance he was looking for." _

_Laguna stopped them in front of a broken down building just a few structures away from the bar. At first glance he couldn't fathom why this place could mean so much to the older man, though as he continued to lead him through the threshold he began to understand. Old war magazines littered the floor next to a beaten up old bed that looked like it hadn't been occupied in years. Photographs of a Laguna that showed just how much he had aged were hung up around the a the tattered walls, one in particular standing out to Squall._

_It was a picture of Laguna and pretty woman with long brown hair holding a infant baby. They smiled down at their bundle of joy, and, though the baby was still so very small, Squall could see that the child was smiling back at them. He turned to Laguna, who had previously released his hand and had wandered over to a cracked -down-the-center bookshelf, that ironically only contained one book. _

_Laguna turned to him now, book in hand. "This is where I was nursed back to health. The woman in the picture is my late wife, and the baby is our son." he explained. _

_Squall studied the picture for a moment longer, taking in the lively features that were once Laguna, and the kind-looking woman poised next to him before he responded. "What happened to your son?"_

_Laguna hung his head a little, sadness reaching his normally delighted eyes. "I don't know." _

**III**

Laguna Loire felt useless. How was he supposed to comfort his son, his lover, Squall, whatever, when he couldn't even begin healing himself. He debated, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, whether he should just leave him alone, but he knew better. He knew Squall, more so than he ever imagined ever knowing him, and he knew that Squall wanted this, wanted him to see his physical pain. Tentatively, Laguna stepped around the desk, stopping just at the corner and held out an arm to him.

Which stung him more, he'll never be able to decipher. Squall smacked him away, hard, only to fling his arms around him seconds later and poured all of his raw tears onto his chest, all the while pounding his shoulder. Laguna choked down a sob of his own, biting his lip, and buried his free hand into Squall's beautiful mess of hair and clung to him.

"Squall . . ."

"No!" Laguna felt the force of the shove before he saw it. His back hit the wall with such a jolt that air had completely escaped him. Suddenly Squall in his face, his blue eyes swimming in bluer waters that were raging down his anguished features. "You can't fix this, president." Laguna visibly flinched back against the wall at the pure venom in his son's voice. "There is absolutely nothing in the world that can fix what you did! NOTHING!"

Laguna felt the anger that he held before stepping into the commander's office rising to the surface and shoved Squall back from him, standing up off the wall that was steadying him. "It's not like I knew! I didn't go into this thinking 'Mmmm, I'm gonna get my son in between the sheets and then fuck with his head, Squall!"

"Stop! Stop saying my name!" Squall screamed back.

Laguna scowled back at him, slowly advancing on the Balamb Lion. "What? You would prefer me to call you 'Son'?"

The unexpected blush crept up on them both, filling their already furiously flush faces, now only inches from the others'.

Laguna caught Squall's chin as he tried to turn his face from him and studied his eyes. He clutched it tighter and shook his head of everything but what was right in front of him. (24) Squall's lips parted ever just slightly. Laguna moved his hand from his chin, using both of his hands to cup his lover's face. "I'm so going to hell for this," he sobbed.

Laguna dove into his lips as though it was the last thing this life was ever going to offer his sinful soul.

**III**

_It took Laguna Loire's eyes fifty plus times to read the entry for his brain to process the information in his late wife, Raine's, diary. He poured over it, again and again, expecting it to just magically change or vanish or . . . just not say what it did. _

_In a room full of silence all he could hear was his head screaming._

_His eyes shot up at Squall, who was examining every little misplaced sliver of splintered wood with an odd fascination. Laguna just stared, picking out his features. He had his hair line, though it was the same color as Raine's. His jaw line was his as well, and his lips, oh Hyne he had had those lips between his own, wrapped around his cock in selfish pleasure, were feminine like his mothers. His handshipssmile were Raine's. _

_Squall, probably sensing Laguna's overbearing gaze on him finally turned, and Laguna almost cried when their eyes met. Blue eyes, the same ones that smiled at him as he was bathed, the same ones that looked up at Laguna when he had taken him to Galbadia to see the Christmas lights in the snow with such adoration were staring back at him. The boy he had come to fall in love with, the man that never knew his parents . . . oh, Hyne, was his son. _

_Everything clicked, and it made perfect sense in an imperfect world. _

_"Laguna?" Squall was knelt down in front of him, his hands reaching for his own. _

_He snapped. He shoved Raine's diary into Squall's hands, standing from the couch remains silently. He watched in horror as the information was absorbed from the ink stained paper and into Squall's head. _

_It all happened to quickly. The diary hit the floor solid and Squall was screaming. _

_"No! It's not true! Tell me you're just fucking around! Tell me!" _

_But he couldn't, and he knew Squall knew that. All he did was stare at him. _

_The pain from his jaw connecting with his lover's fist was a pin prick compared to everything else he was feeling at that moment. _

_Laguna heard the footsteps before he knew Squall was running away from him. He felt the wind hit his face, cold from the tears he was shedding. _

_But he was gone. His lover, his son, his Squall, was gone. His knees hit the dusty gravel and he bit his bottom lip to keep his sobbing in check. _

_What had he done?_

**III**

Squall Leonheart was surprised when the wave of nausea never came after Laguna had relinquished his hold on him. He licked his lips, tasting the remnants of Laguna and he felt his insides spark in delight. In desperation, or maybe defeat, he laid his forehead against Laguna's. "What the hell are we supposed to do?"

"It's a sin. It's immoral. We shouldn't . . . we can't continue this." Laguna's hands came to rest on his shoulders as he sighed.

Squall felt himself losing. "You're right." He agreed, probably despite himself.

"Damn it all!" Laguna cursed under his breath. "Please, Squall, don't make me break your heart. Just tell me to leave, and I'll never come back, I promise."

Faltering, Squall stood straight. He turned his back to him, his teeth clenched from anger, heartbreak, he didn't know. He spun toward him again. "Coward. You came here to relieve your own guilt? Is that really what you really want?"

Laguna was in his face again. "Of course it's not! But I can't change DNA, Squall! It doesn't work that way!"

"And you don't think I know that!" Squall spat back. "I'd sooner choose to forget the whole Winhill incident happened than have to spend any more time away from you!" The words flew from his mouth before he could clap his hand over his mouth. Oh, Hyne . . .

For the first time since Laguna had arrived his office was flat line silent. Their gazes cinched each other and Squall shifted irritably.

Then softly, "I don't care how, but I want to be with you." Squall whispered.

It was probably the most romantic thing Squall had seen, much less experienced, when Laguna took his hands in his and whispered in his ear. "Drah ryja sa. Rybbo Pendrtyo*."

**III**

*"The Al Bhed language originated from the sand people from ancient times and then was adapted by the Centra."

*"Sorry, Good Morning."

*"Then have me. Happy Birthday."**  
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